,,I've really grown up with Ghim Moh Market.
I've stayed around here since I was young, and I even went to Ghim Moh Primary School. So when I was thinking about what would be a site of significance, of course it is here.
This is not just a place that sells food. Ghim Moh Market also holds a lot of my family's routine that is mirrored in [[my parents' house]], and [[my own relationship with food]].
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</script><video id="videobg" src="media/videos/heather/Kitchen_Dance_hands.mp4" autoplay muted loop></video><div id="body">|yellow1>[At home there is a pattern when my mum cooks. Based on the stuff she uses, like the sounds, from everywhere in the house we'll know when she's preparing. So we'll kinda go to the kitchen to help her wash up or help her prepare to get her stuff. And then we'll have dinner.
So the pattern it's more like in the food prep part where we [[listen out for sounds]] and then we all like, naturally coalesce at the kitchen counter to help.
After dinner, it's also that kind of pattern where the first person who finishes will just start to, like, wipe up the stuff that's drying in the drying rack. (click: "the first person who finishes")[(replace: ?yellow1)[(display: "the first person who finishes")]]]</div>
I would say it started in primary school because I think that was really my [[first encounter]]. Ok I was part of the TAF Club in primary school.
It really gave a lot of people either food anxieties or food fears. There would be underweight kids in my class who were really I felt force-fed, like the milk thing. We would be so hungry because we haven't eaten. We'll be like, 'can we have some milk?' Like, 'no. You guys are in TAF Club. You can't drink this milk.' Other people are like, ‘no, I don’t want to have to drink milk.’
I used to eat some version of this fishball kuay teow, but from another stall. The stallowners know me from [[when I was young]] so now that I have changed loyalties... I actually have to walk around to avoid that stall.
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</script>I used to go there almost every day 'cos we had to stay back for remedial classes and CCAs and stuff. So when they see me, they would already start preparing the food.
These things anchor in your mind, and so the market just continued to be a comfort food place, or a place of like, solace I suppose. I will just keep coming here, to [[eat with my family]] or to [[eat by myself]].
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</script>My mum is very task-oriented when she comes to the market. Typically she would give us the order of what to buy for her, and she'll go around to all the different stalls and tell them what she wants.
It's not time-efficient if you go there and order and then you wait there for them to prepare it. So she'll go around and like order in advance. And maybe buy some vegs.
Then [[my dad]] <video id="videobg" src="media/videos/heather/Kway_Teow_Management.mp4" autoplay muted loop></video><div id="body">|obama>[I've always grown around routines and structures, so I created routines and structures for myself.
Like my routine was, I go school really early, I would exercise, like running, and I would just buy like one apple sandwich, apple toast. One of those where you use a toasting machine and it's apple inside.
And that would be all I would eat for the first half of the day.
And I would go to the canteen because no one is there except me and the stallholder, so no one can scrutinise what I am eating or not eating.(click: "no one is there")[(replace: ?obama)[(display: "no one is there")]]]</div> (t8n: "dissolve")[I'll eat secretly in class, and then I would definitely not join anyone for lunch. So when it's recess time I'd run off to the computer lab and just be like online, and just try to avoid [[food spaces|food spaces]].] <video id="videobg" src="media/videos/heather/Kway_Teow_Layers.mp4" autoplay muted loop></video><div id="body">Food is tied in to all these sources and places of care and comfort. And then when you don't have that good relationship with it, you don't just cut yourself off from the food, you cut yourself off from all these places and people.
I would find some excuse to [[be in my room|food activism]] during some major meal or [[family meal]]. Because you know, I don't trust myself to not eat too much or I don't want to receive comments about not eating a lot.
Then you miss the entire meal.</div>
So I tried to devise this form of therapy for myself, just trying to do different things to reframe that relationship with food.
Beyond actual eating disorder activism, which I did for some time, like awareness-raising campaigns, roadshows... I got involved in other aspects of food activism, like volunteering at food distribution centres and programmes.
I tried to put myself with food as much as I can, to rethink how to relate to food. I think that's where I met a lot of friends with some kind of [[link to food]].
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At home, food is really a source of care and comfort... But also, there are a lot of [[obligations]] that are tied to that. For example, my mum cooks this and I really do have to eat it? That runs against the narrative I heard in school, where I'm not supposed to be eating some of these foods.
It's like bad food.
That was really damaging because it pits you against your parents and your family. You start seeing them as your enemy because they keep giving you this food that you're hearing you're not supposed to eat.
So when I had my eating disorder, it was really hard, because I would find ways to not eat as much at home. Of course my mum would get really concerned and stuff. It was hard because I would tell her I've also been advised not to eat some of these things. But obviously, by the time it got to the eating disorder, I was taking it to an extreme.
I really hate the [[bad food good food narrative|food activism]]. You know, [[how can I not eat it|miss]] when my mum has prepared it? At one point in time, I wouldn’t eat at home.
So I think my mum eventually used that trick of just asking me to join them at the dinner table, but she wouldn't pressure me to eat anything.
Like she will say, Oh here is some boiled veg that has no salt and oil in case you want fibre.
That's... it really did help. She just really loved me and she wasn't going to force me to eat anything.
[[She just wanted me to be ok]]. <video id="videobg" src="media/videos/heather/Egg_Embrace_Feet.mp4" autoplay muted loop></video><div id="body">|clump1>[And I feel very protective of my mum.
So when my grandma saw my mother suffering, she called me up and really scolded me. And she is usually quite mild mannered and calm, like she doesn't usually scold grandchildren.
But she framed it in a really good way. She was like, "Do you have any idea... This is extremely painful for my daughter..." She made me realise that what I was doing, which I thought was contained within myself, just my own relationship to food, was really impacting those around me.
So I think that was the first very extreme and shocking connection back to family that I was jolted into, and I was really not expecting it. She was really fierce.
And so I realised then that this is really affecting people around me, and I need to recover for those around me. And that was much, much better as an anchor than if I had just thought about helping myself. (click: "people around me")[(replace: ?clump1)[(display: "people around me")]](click: "an anchor")[(replace: ?clump1)[(display: "an anchor")]]]</div> Like the migrant worker groups.
There were a lot of conversation about food that is cultural appropriate, or people not getting enough food. There was a connection there. And from the [[environmental movement]], a lot of people were talking about how damaging agri-business and organic food is.
So what happened was I set up a small group called [[Food For All]], you know, which was just about looking at this.
These plans to have urban farms on multi-storey carpark rooftops and actually reclaim these spaces. I think like in Ang Mo Kio there's one.
So it's like we're trying to bring urban farming back because of the food security imperative. But how does urban farms fit into [[food security]]? Food For All was an anti-hunger collective that I founded back in 2008, and I saw it as a community and a space for those like me, in Singapore, who are concerned about issues surrounding food ranging from food security, food safety, hunger and food wastage...
But you see, one thing about food systems is that they are very hidden.
So I think it's very hard for us to see where the gaps are. Because shops always look very well-stocked, but there's a whole network and logistical behemoth behind actually getting this food on the shelves.
Involving a lot of [[importing]], various forms of [[storage]]...
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</script><video id="videobg" src="media/videos/heather/Kway_Teow_Mapping.mp4" autoplay muted loop></video><div id="body">|open1>[When I was talking to activists at the time, they said it's not just about the quantity of food being introduced, but the skills and tastes of the population.
If we have to grow our own food, can we? And will we eat it? Can we keep ourselves alive?
It's like a open question. No one really knows how much we can grow. It's a growing open question.
Probably only a few people have the skills necessary to grow food, relative to everyone in Singapore. (click: "a open question")[(replace: ?open1)[(display: "open question")(show: ?beginagain)]]]</div>
<div class="footer">|beginagain)[(t8n: "dissolve")[[[Begin again->Ghim Moh Market]]]]</div><video id="videobg" src="media/videos/heather/Noodle_zoning.mp4" autoplay muted loop></video><div id="body">|imp1>[And then the actual distribution of those foods from warehouses and wholesale markets to these different places where we actually get them. We just interact with them in terms of buying a finished product. We don't even notice the 'made where', or distributed by whom?
We want to import a lot of food, store it for longer, push it out into the market, replenish our stockpiles with this food that we produce locally.
]</div>
(click: "we produce locally")[(replace: ?imp1)[(display: "we produce locally.")]]
<video id="videobg" src="media/videos/heather/Noodle_Zoning_Yellow.mp4" autoplay muted loop></video><div id="body">There is the issue of food insecurity, like who is insecure and how are they insecure and what are the solutions to support them.
I used to volunteer at one of these food distribution programmes, which was part of a family service centre. There was some veteran social worker there. As we were packing, doing the more mundane tasks, they would bring up some issues about the programme.
Like a lot of what is distributed is based on what can be obtained through donation or what is cheap. So some companies wanna do CSR, so they just donate breads and stuff, so that's what we have to distribute. But I don't know whether this food is [[really suitable?]]
</div>
|imp0>[(t8n: "dissolve")[So when I was in university I actually did this really short paper that looked at how local farms were marketing their produce. They were like we actually have to make our produce attractive.
I thought we were only producing a small amount of vegetables, you assume they'll all be consumed locally.
They said, no it's actually hard to sell everything locally even though we only produce a small quantity and it's because of people's tastes...]]
(click: "people's tastes")[(replace: ?imp0)[(display: "people's tastes")]]|imp2>[(t8n: "dissolve")[They wanna eat this veg from China or Australia or something. So that's interesting to me too. It's like... Huh. Can we really grow food and keep ourselves alive? And then can we cook? But that's another issue. I didn't really look into cooking and I don't cook. But the entire food chain... we can only buy and eat.
Or you get it in this form, which is even more, like...] (click: "this form")[(replace: ?imp2)[(display: "this form")]]]<video id="videobg" src="media/videos/heather/Noodle_Zoning_Yellow.mp4" autoplay muted loop></video><div id="body">|timeef1>[The other thing is, there were a lot of dried food being donated. And they knew from some of the cases that it's like they have rental arrears and have issues getting regular electricity and water and things like that. So, like, can they really cook this?
This was a question they had as we were all packing the food. And they were like, I suspect there's a 'black market' for some of these foods, because people are basically just storing, selling it, so they can get money to buy char kway teow and stuff that is a lot of easier to consume, more time-efficient.(click: "more time-efficient")[(replace: ?timeef1)[(display: "time-efficient")]]]
</div> |timeef2>[(t8n: "dissolve")[They have so many things to do, they have a few jobs, they got childcare, there's no time to cook all of this stuff.
So they were kinda wondering where the food items were going. But everyone around the system at that time, 2008 or 2009, were kinda like not aware of the full situation.] (click: "not aware")[(replace: ?timeef2)[(display: "not aware")]]](t8n: "dissolve")[There'll be the food donors who'll be like, I've donated food, I've done good.
Which is true.
But then it ends when they leave the food at the programme. And then [[we just pack.]] ] And then there's a different set of volunteers who distributes the food. I was part of that, sometimes helping the packing, sometimes tagging on with people to distribute the food.
Those people also don't know the cases, because they aren't working with the social workers. They wouldn't be packing with me, so they wouldn't have heard all these stories. For them it's just like, it's a good thing I'm doing. Like, today just bring this to that family. They know that family, but only that one aspect of it. [[They don't know the rest]]. The system feels disconnected as well.
This is just one food [[distribution|importing]] programme.When you distribute the food, neighbours of the unit are like kaypoh and... Some people don't want to receive the food there! It's like, why can't you just give me the voucher and I can go out and buy and no one will know the better. But such a big bag of food is like...
I think the worst is [[when I actually went]] with these 2 volunteers.
First I went with this person who was like "Oh, the family's not in", and left the food outside. Only when I went with another volunteer who was like, "Oh, they're not in, we're not distributing today" that I realised there was an issue with leaving the food outside because everyone can see this is a family that gets rations.
People will be very... There's all this shame and stuff that ties in again to, yeah, this lack of dignity with food distribution programmes at that time in 2008, 2009?
Ok, many issues. So this is just food system. Then there was [[food insecurity|food security]]. (t8n: "dissolve")[I think I started talking about those rituals and routines in a way that makes sense to me on a micro level. Those things, like how my family acts during and after meal times are obvious. But at a macro scale it's not.
Those connections are more invisible.
Food systems at the centre and at the periphery of some of these systems and choreographies are quite interesting to map out. Talking to you all this way, just thinking together about our experiences with food in all of these ways, it makes these dots start to connect in so many ways...
Yeah, I guess I'm trying to talk as I think...
Linking the dots, finding new dots... It goes on, right?]|imp3>[(t8n: "dissolve")[All the components are out and segmented; it's just a meal.
I can read even less into its origins in terms of mapping the material flow.] (click: "mapping the material flow")[(replace: ?imp3)[(display: "mapping the material flow")]]](t8n: "dissolve")[I actually wanted to help one of my university seniors for a research in Malaysia, where they were studying like pesticide regimes there.
This was also in 2008 or 2009. I recall we heard from farmers there that... because they mainly export to Singapore, they have to abide by these very expensive pesticide regimes. And they cannot screw up once or they'll be put on a blacklist and never be able to export to Singapore. So it really sounded like our policy sphere controlled farming practices miles away. That's one thing that's [[hidden|storage]].]
|clump2>[(t8n: "dissolve")[We always talk about eating disorder as another person. Sometimes we name it whatever, like Ed. And you try to lower its defences.
Because it's always there trying to prevent you, isolate you, so that it achieves its aim. That's usually how we think about it in some forms of therapy lah. Yeah, so by just saying all of you and the eating disorder can be at the dining table, it will slowly start to bring the person back.
And then when they eat... Don't comment when they eat something. Just let them... And hopefully over time, because they're connected back to people, it reduces the power of the eating disorder.](click: "connected back to people")[(replace: ?clump2)[(display: "people around me")]]] (t8n: "dissolve")[So it's like...
It's because I already had that basis where I was connected to my family. I hadn't really thought about it that way but it's really cool. Every time I feel I'm slipping I'll just tell myself it's [[for my mum]].
Like forget about yourself. Like [[it was a tactic|food activism]] in a way but it was also really true.]
Also in another context, when my family eats together there is also this sense of care...
That shows in the [[routines|my parents' house]] that we have as a family.My mum uses a lot of metallic prep things.
Like she'll cut up stuff like garlic and she put it on this set of metallic plates. We will start to hear the <i>ting, ting</i>, of the sound. That's our [[first cue]].
So that's like... in theatre where there’s like the first bell, the second bell. So that's the first bell. The second bell is when you hear the garlic. And garlic has that crackling sound when it hits the oil. So that's when we know she's started to prepare food, then we have to go.
Then there'll already be a pile of stuff. She's thrown the stuff in the metal plates to the wok. If we hadn't got to the kitchen by then, [[we must assemble now.]]
This garlic smell and sound combo is like also my dad's cue to shower.
[[He <i>must</i> shower before...|we must assemble now.]]
If for some reason we are not ready, my mum will scream. She’ll be like, "Someone, help", or "Washing!" She'll say something like that.
And usually it'll be echoed by my dad. And I’d be like, "Why isn’t he helping", but ok maybe he’s doing something else.
Then we will start to [[do our things...|the first person who finishes]]Once you know that's your role today to dry stuff, then you don't do the washing. So now it's down to the next person who has finished their food to start washing the big pots.
And then someone... Usually the person who's drying the stuff in the drying rack will take over to dry the big pots because that has to be dry and placed away by the time the dining utensils are washed.
So there's 2 roles taken up. My family is like me, my dad, my mum and my brother. And so the next person down the line will do the 'hard' [[task of washing up]] <i>all</i> the plates.
By this time my mum would be just preparing drinks. My family has this routine where after dinner we'll have dessert and drinks. Similar to [[what we do here in the market|eat with my family]].
Sometimes if it's kueh kueh from the fridge, it needs to be warmed up or toasted. And I think by that time someone else is free, it’s usually my dad I think. Then he will wipe up the table. Again it's like everything's nicely done.
By the time I finish washing the dishes, the drinks are prepared, the dessert is toasted, and the table is like clean and dried out.
[[This sounds really... whenever I describe it sounds...|eat with my family]]We'll go and get Snack Deli, which is like the <i>you char kway</i> and <i>butterfly</i> and stuff.
And then [[my brother]]He will get coffee and tea.
Usually I take a long time to eat la. I'll just be eating and jaga-ing all the stuff that’s piling up. And then sort of somehow everything is settled by the time the drinks and the <i>you char kway</i> stuff comes.
So then we would then eat together that [[dessert as a family.]] It's like a nice family pattern that I've gotten used to, but it doesn't feel very relaxing to me because there's just a lot of activity. So I think typically I will come here once [[by myself|food spaces]], just to eat and relax, and then another time to be [[here with my family]].
So yeah it's common for me to come here more than 2 or 3 times a week.
|yellow3>[(t8n: "dissolve")[I think overall, my family has a lot of routines and a lot of structures. That comforts my parents mainly, because they're the ones who orchestrates the way our family runs and feels.
And I think it also...
I feel... it shows care.](click: "it shows care")[(replace: ?yellow3)[(display: "care")]]](t8n: "dissolve")[Because you know, it takes emotional labour to ask people to help and to organise stuff. And so if we pay attention to these rhythms or these patterns of what my mum needs... I feel that it reduces her burden to have to direct and manage all these tasks and trying to do them time-efficiently.
My dad also does help a lot around the house as well. Just to ease her load, yeah. Especially around mealtimes.
I see it as a [[ritual|eat by myself]] of care in a way.]heather: media/music/Heather_2_20210320.mp3showControls: false
muteOnBlur: false[[<img src='https://i.ibb.co/KNZZjz4/Capture.png'>->Food For All]]